Random Frickle Frackles
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wiggly
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LESSON 1: madame president
(via @socksual-innuendos)
(via twin-malkavians)
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Oh just look at this silly poor thing :(
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i like Raphael bg3 but unfortunately i dont think its for the same reasons anyone else does. he swoops in so fucking confident like “hello my baby mice (/derogatory) you wish you could kill me. you fucking wish. anyway sell me your soul or die in an unsexy tentacle explosion.”
and then he sort of follows you around for like 3 acts. all quiet. spying on u. hoping youll call him. waiting by the phone. and then when you finally do run into him hes like “haha so, you miserable worms (/derogatory), have you considered i can save you and i have this really cool donkey kong hammer you want? sell me this insanely OP crown and ill give it to you. please. haha it isnt like i need you or anything, baka.”
and then you break into raphaels house. hes cucked bc his girl Hope wont get with him, and she looks at you for 2 seconds and decides youre it instead. you run into his sidepiece, who is literally just a horny mirror of himself, and you can either kill or fuck the horny mirror of himself. the pathetic horny mirror of himself will absolutely tell you raphael is shit at sex. you lie to raphaels librarian, kill all his guys, rob his house, break out his girl, steal his head henchman to your side, and then fucking kill him. youre like, four sadboy adventurers with worms in your brains and you were level one like two weeks ago, and you straight up obliterate raphael and leave his house to his angry girlfriend in the will. you steal his fucking diaries. and you dont even die in an unsexy tentacle explosion.
raphael is trying so hard to be cool and hes absolutely not. he sings his little song and stalks around the shadows, but hes so uncool i think im a little obsessed actually.
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jaheira canonically being a deadbeat mother 27 payments behind on child support who when faced with the apocalypse sent one kid a cryptic seven word text that was like “sorry. get out” and then didn’t talk to them again because she was busy giving life advice and playing catch with the third bhaalspawn she found in the trash somewhere until the party stumbles on her house and kids entirely by accident is so captivating. what is her problem
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Lae'zel’s character and her entire situation at the beginning of the game becomes so much more funny when you find out she’s 22. It makes so much sense. Imagine you’re 22 and you’re exposed to this dangerous toxin or chemical or something - but not to worry, you learnt that this can be easily fixed, you just need to dial 911 real quick. Common knowledge. Everyone knows that. You learnt that in kindergarten, it’s up there with fire alarm drills.
But the people you’re stuck with have no concept of modern medicine and when you say “let’s go to the hospital” they will say shit like “i think they kill people at the hospital” and “we should ask this swamp lady” or “this guy over there told me about this homoeopathic healer kind of guy but he got abducted” or “this random bard wants to help” and “I’m not going to dial 911 because I don’t want the government to know my home address” or “maybe we should consider a deal with Satan”. And then a bunch of them KEEP consuming the chemical because it makes them “stronger”. One guy might explode for unrelated reasons. You have a few days before this situation is getting critical and suddenly they’re solving crime and doing general charity for the community.
And FOR SOME REASON you still try to help these idiots and you STILL want to help them get the cure even though they all keep insisting the “doctors” at the “hospital” might try to “kill them” and they don’t have insurance. And you keep telling them to just. go. to. the. hospital. before the time runs out and you all die very horribly of a very treatable condition.
And also you’re 22 in a foreign country and you’re responsible for shepherding this gaggle of idiots who are all ranging anywhere from 24 to 240 years old.
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Vriska: Like I’m sure the opinion of some failed novelist matters.
Rose: What? Where the hell do you get off talking to me like that?
Vriska: You’ve had three novels rejected here and in England. That sounds like failure to me.
Rose: The only failure is in not trying.
Vriska: Oh please. Think about this, Rose; think about the worst novel ever published. By default, that novel is better than anything you ever wrote. William Shatner’s writing has more meaning than yours.
Rose, voiceover: When those words left her lips, I swore I heard the voice of Billy Ray Cyrus urging me to kill.
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JOHN: rose can you tell me a bedtime story?
ROSE: sure. settle in. once upon a time there was a man named dave
ROSE: dave edited wikipedia with incorrect information.
ROSE: and you know what happened to him?
ROSE: he got stabbed.
ROSE: do you get the moral of the story?
JOHN: no
ROSE: goodnight, john
